Happy New Year's Everyone

I love typing to myself. It will be my New Year's resolution to keep up with this blog.

Oh, and go to the gym everyday before work. Yeah right.

We chucked Grandma's ashes off a bridge, and other bedtime stories

So this weekend my Mother (and yes, she's the terrifying type that bears capitalizing) calls to tell me that the family is sprinkling my Great-Grandma's ashes FINALLY. The "fam" has been putting it off for the past several weeks. I can't exactly say where the deed was done, since it's technically not OK to sprinkle dead people, I guess, but it was at this beautiful place near Mt. Rainier. So I picked up my little cousins and my brother, so they could ride in my car on the way up. All of a sudden, I see my little cousin Baylee in my rear-view mirror (whose so tiny she's sitting in a car seat, no less) waving around a fifth of Grey Goose and questioning "Mershelle, what's this?" (Yes, she calls me Mershelle and I have no idea why). HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!! My friend Christine had left the bottle in my car after a night at a concert (it's true, I'm not trying to use the "it's not mine" excuse. It was mine, she just left it there). I had no idea it was still back there, and all I could do is stare in horror at my sweet little niece waving around the vodka. My brother, bless his heart, whips around and snatches that bottle quick as can be and sticks it under my purse in the front. "Juice," he tells her, "It's juice." What a smart, quick thinking little bro...I must have trained him up nicely. Unfortunately, my mom was apparently watching from the car in front of us, because at the funeral (ash scattering) she leans over to me and says "you know, you should probably put that in the trunk so you don't get arrested for open containers." Damn! Even my mother saw it, making me look like the lush of all time at my Great Grandmother's funeral. While driving around little kids. Wherever my Grandma is, she was probably laughing her ass off, no doubt about that. By the way, I have the best quote ever from Christine from the night she left the vodka in question in my car for little children to discover. Picture her drunk as hell while she's saying this, because she was. "Rochelle, I am so glad I got you this bottle of vodka for your birthday (as she's drinking it all by herself)." I didn't even get one sip : ( (So thanks for the birthday present Christine : ) ). By the way, some of you may be wondering why I still had a full fifth in my possession that I received on my birthday, which was waaaayyyy back in June. To this, I have no excuse. I am just totally lame. And on another note, I used the term "ash scattering" lightly, because we quite literally chucked her off the bridge, threw flowers after her, and called it a day. Sometimes, I love my family. Seriously folks, that's the way I'd want to go. Think on that awhile.